Is It Hot Out or Is It Just Me? It's Just Me...

Since it's been so hot here in Southern California I decided that you all need some relief. It's Christmas in May! Let my coolness soak in! This picture will cure heat stroke, hot days, fevers and hot flashes... Flu, common cold, yellow fever, depression, zombieism, acid reflux, restless leg syndrome and about a million other things.

You are still looking at my picture aren't you?

You are welcome...

-D

I Just Made You Millions!

I may look like a mild mannered HOT DOG!... On a Stick(I took some liberties with their name because, well, I can) employee, but shhhh! I'm not... I am Awesome x Great/Perfect(Amazing+Hilarious) + Charming. If you follow the rules of order you come up with only one answer... ME(if you did it incorrectly you get Mary Poppins who is practically perfect, which means you are wrong, close... but wrong).

Food on a stick is... pretty cool... I am thinking of starting a diet where you can eat whatever you want as made and eaten with a popsicle stick... I just made you a million bucks... feel free to steal that idea. I got a million of them!

You're welcome!

-Dave

Just Like You, You Long to be, Close to Me,,,

And on the day that I was born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true, so they sprinkled moon dust in my hair and starlight in my eyes of... hazel... The Carpenters had it... kinda right... But I mean, come on... look at me... What other explanation can there be but divine intervention?

My looks are ageless... Look at my family...

My sister is getting married this weekend, but the invitations... had a picture of me me walking with myself hand in hand down a beach... the cake topper? Me standing next to me... I am just that perfect...

You are welcome...

-Dave

Say It Don't Spray It... This Title Has Nothing to Do With Anything

I promised you a bonus post, so here it is...

Yeah, this hat exists...

It's obvious that I am the leader... I mean, look at me, I exude strength and leadership and raw charisma... But sometimes, secretly, when I am alone, I am hope to be cool, but rude or even a party dude... Damn my awesomeness! My gift...  My curse.

You're welcome!

-Dave: Hero in a Half Shell

Like Your Tram Stamp... I am a Beautiful Butterfly

Don't worry baby birds... I haven't forgotten about you, I was just busy doing... more important things than this blog... I had to floss and rearranged my vast library of tomes that I read frequently... That's right, I said tomes... My vocabulary is voluminous.

If there was one picture that makes me more adorable than I already am... I think it would be this one.

I know, right?

I know you didn't think this was possible... but I am posting another picture later. What? Double post day? yup.

You are welcome...

-Dave

Mary Poppins May Be Practically Perfect... But I Am FullyPerfect

I am the epitome of "bald is beautiful"... In fact they should just rephrase it to "Bald is Dave and Dave is downright perfect so by transference bald is perfect." That may not fit on a bumper sticker or baseball cap, so you are just going to have to memorize it and make it become part of your everyday life.

When I want to slum with the common rabble I wear something that gives me the look of hair, which makes me not... perfect. Still adorable... but not perfect.

Makes me look a little like Guy Fieri and I think we can ALL agree he is not perfection!

You are welcome!

-Dave

Psst! It's In The Genes...

But Dave, I know you ask yourself every day, have you always been destined to put on hats and be all around awesome? 

The answer is simple. No. 

It has taken years of hard work. Honing my skills at the haberdasher. Trying on hat after hat. Hours in front of the mirror practicing what Tyra Banks has taught. Smiling with my eyes, remembering my lines. It has been hard work becoming this freaking perfect.

HAHAHAHA! Oh man! I can't keep lying to you...

I was born this amazing!

It's in the genes... I come from a long line of hotties...

 

 

 

So yeah... I got it like that...

Here is me in a hat...

As always... You are welcome...

-Dave