Is It Hot Out or Is It Just Me? It's Just Me...

Since it's been so hot here in Southern California I decided that you all need some relief. It's Christmas in May! Let my coolness soak in! This picture will cure heat stroke, hot days, fevers and hot flashes... Flu, common cold, yellow fever, depression, zombieism, acid reflux, restless leg syndrome and about a million other things.

You are still looking at my picture aren't you?

You are welcome...

-D

I Just Made You Millions!

I may look like a mild mannered HOT DOG!... On a Stick(I took some liberties with their name because, well, I can) employee, but shhhh! I'm not... I am Awesome x Great/Perfect(Amazing+Hilarious) + Charming. If you follow the rules of order you come up with only one answer... ME(if you did it incorrectly you get Mary Poppins who is practically perfect, which means you are wrong, close... but wrong).

Food on a stick is... pretty cool... I am thinking of starting a diet where you can eat whatever you want as made and eaten with a popsicle stick... I just made you a million bucks... feel free to steal that idea. I got a million of them!

You're welcome!

-Dave

Just Like You, You Long to be, Close to Me,,,

And on the day that I was born the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true, so they sprinkled moon dust in my hair and starlight in my eyes of... hazel... The Carpenters had it... kinda right... But I mean, come on... look at me... What other explanation can there be but divine intervention?

My looks are ageless... Look at my family...

My sister is getting married this weekend, but the invitations... had a picture of me me walking with myself hand in hand down a beach... the cake topper? Me standing next to me... I am just that perfect...

You are welcome...

-Dave

Say It Don't Spray It... This Title Has Nothing to Do With Anything

I promised you a bonus post, so here it is...

Yeah, this hat exists...

It's obvious that I am the leader... I mean, look at me, I exude strength and leadership and raw charisma... But sometimes, secretly, when I am alone, I am hope to be cool, but rude or even a party dude... Damn my awesomeness! My gift...  My curse.

You're welcome!

-Dave: Hero in a Half Shell

Like Your Tram Stamp... I am a Beautiful Butterfly

Don't worry baby birds... I haven't forgotten about you, I was just busy doing... more important things than this blog... I had to floss and rearranged my vast library of tomes that I read frequently... That's right, I said tomes... My vocabulary is voluminous.

If there was one picture that makes me more adorable than I already am... I think it would be this one.

I know, right?

I know you didn't think this was possible... but I am posting another picture later. What? Double post day? yup.

You are welcome...

-Dave

Mary Poppins May Be Practically Perfect... But I Am FullyPerfect

I am the epitome of "bald is beautiful"... In fact they should just rephrase it to "Bald is Dave and Dave is downright perfect so by transference bald is perfect." That may not fit on a bumper sticker or baseball cap, so you are just going to have to memorize it and make it become part of your everyday life.

When I want to slum with the common rabble I wear something that gives me the look of hair, which makes me not... perfect. Still adorable... but not perfect.

Makes me look a little like Guy Fieri and I think we can ALL agree he is not perfection!

You are welcome!

-Dave

Psst! It's In The Genes...

But Dave, I know you ask yourself every day, have you always been destined to put on hats and be all around awesome? 

The answer is simple. No. 

It has taken years of hard work. Honing my skills at the haberdasher. Trying on hat after hat. Hours in front of the mirror practicing what Tyra Banks has taught. Smiling with my eyes, remembering my lines. It has been hard work becoming this freaking perfect.

HAHAHAHA! Oh man! I can't keep lying to you...

I was born this amazing!

It's in the genes... I come from a long line of hotties...

 

 

 

So yeah... I got it like that...

Here is me in a hat...

As always... You are welcome...

-Dave

You Can't Be Goth and Have Looks Like This...

In honor of the upcoming Bat Day at Disneyland. Basically, it is the day when everyone who shops at Hot Topic puts on all their "goth" clothes and heads to Disneyland... Jack Skellington is really popular that day. It's obvious what I can do with this hat... First, I instantly take it from lame to cool. Second, I take my normal great looks and bump them up to shear perfection... I mean... just look... can't tear your eyes off can you? 

I call this look... I Know What You Did Last Summer...

It's okay to be jealous...

-Dave

There's a Snake in My Boot... Wait, I Mean My Boots Are Made of Snake

Not a lot of commentary from me on this one...  Just soak it in... Let is marinate...  BASK IN MY AWESOMENESS! A lot of people say, "You totally over use the word awesome." You know who says stuff like that? People with a lack of awesome in their lives...  That's why I am here...  You're welcome...

More Than Meets The Eye... The Optimus Prime of Hats.... Okay, Probably the Megatron of Hats.

Kentucky Derby here I come! My wife got this sun hat last summer. It is pretty versatile if you ask me! If you are out in the sun it protects your head in a swath of Beetlejuicey stripes, but lets's say you go to a dude ranch, what are you going to do! Transform that hat into an almost perfect cowboy hat! Well, almost perfect on you, but absolute perfection on me.

The picture is a little dark because the radiance that comes off me is harmful to cameras...

Boom! Cowboy hat! What you can't tell by this still photo is that I was roping a calf, riding a bull and my spurs were jingle jangle jingling at the same time...

New post tomorrow!

-Dave

ManBearKing!

And sometimes the hat takes over. I love this hat. I have been eyeing it for months and finally I decided I had to get it. Obviously, I got a TON of compliments on it. I mean, look at it... Nay, look at ME in it! I am glorious! Man-Bear-King... half man, half bear, half king!

I am going to give you a two'fer because I love you guys so much... 

Make it a three'fer because this hat is almost as amazing as I am... You are most welcome!

-Dave... Please refer to me as Bear-majesty!

Don't Hate Me Because I Am Beautiful... Hate Me Because I Am The Best.

A lot of people say to me,  Dave, how can one man have so many different looks...  You ever consider modeling? Obviously, yes...  But I want to give those poor schlubs like Tyson Beckford a shot.

Don't Hate The Hat... Hate The Game

You know, it is actually really hard to look this awesome with snow man glasses... but if someone says "put this on" chances are I will... I am a player! Well, an actual player would have said, "I'm a playa".  What I meant was that I am game for anything... well, most things... Uno or Sorry... or trying on hats... and apparently snowman glasses. You can't really tell in this picture, but I am totally "smiling with my eyes."

Manchild out! Nope, Seacrest used that already. How about Manchild Nap Time!

Smarter Than Your Average Bear... Or At Least Your Average Goldfish.

Guess what I just realized? I have a big head! Are you shocked? I am pretty sure I just heard the collective gasp at that earth shattering news. I can only assume that it's so large because of all the extra brain power contained within it. I am SO smart!

Who has a guess as to where this hat was tried on? No seriously, who has a guess, because I don't remember(so much for all that extra brain power)... I think this picture really shows just how smart I look.

Welcome... I Am Fragile, Please Don't Laugh...

I am Manchild. I am 38, I play videogames, I love Lego's, I love Disney, I still listen to ska, and I will usually put anything on my head and have my picture taken. It is my superpower...

For years these pictures have sat, locked in a vault away from the public's eye, but with today's technology and my complete lack of shame I have decided to share them with you.

Welcome to Manchild... In Hats...

One of my least favorite pictures of me... EVER!

I was steampunk before steampunk was steampunk... Can you guess where this classic was taken?

New picture up tomorrow!

-Dave

P.S. Also, go ahead and laugh... I am not fragile

P.S.S. This is for Karen, Kent, Dan, Ruby, Ashley, Ron, Patrick, Amy, Maria, Jackie, Paul and most of all my beautiful wife, instigator and photographer, Katie